Dear Santa

Dear Saint Nicholas,

First, I want praise your tireless efforts in this ministry. You have become a world-wide symbol of generosity. Children and adults worldwide are made glad by your giving.

You also deserve recognition for your cutting-edge “green” transportation methods. And with the voucher money you are receiving from Al Gore, you can keep the PETA people at bay.

I do have a couple of minor concerns, however.

My first is about what seems to be showboating. The public appearances are growing incessant and coming earlier and earlier every year. I mean, parades? Are they necessary? When do you get any work done? Or are the under-sized workers doing everything while you hoard the accolades?

Also, it seems odd for a saint, one set apart for God, to be sitting enthroned on stages while people wait in line for just a moments interaction. The photo fee does not sit well either.

However, my biggest complaint is a matter of justice. Why do you give so much more to the wealthy children than the poor? This makes no sense whatsoever, and it just seems cruel. Do you take pleasure in the widening disparity between the haves and the have-nots? Where is your heart?

Truly, for this you should feel great shame. Your disregard for the poor is despicable. I beg you to change your ways.

Your Brother in Christ,
Shannon Caroland

p.s. This time get me a docking system for my mp3 player that isn’t totally lame.