Mother Teresa' Struggle

TIME magazine did a story recently about a book called “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light”. The book contains several private letters Mother Teresa sent to her confessor. The letters expose her most intimate struggles with doubt. This “dark night” of her soul was something she dealt with for virtually all of her adult life. And the letters contain a pretty raw depiction of her struggle.

"Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love--and now become as the most hated one--the one--You have thrown away as unwanted--unloved. I call, I cling, I want--and there is no One to answer--no One on Whom I can cling--no, No One.--Alone ... Where is my Faith--even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness--My God--how painful is this unknown pain--I have no Faith--I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart--& make me suffer untold agony.

So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them--because of the blasphemy--If there be God --please forgive me--When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven--there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul.--I am told God loves me--and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?"

--ADDRESSED TO JESUS, AT THE SUGGESTION OF A CONFESSOR, UNDATED

It should be noted that “Kolodiejchuk, a senior Missionaries of Charity member, is her postulator, responsible for petitioning for her sainthood and collecting the supporting materials. (Thus far she has been beatified; the next step is canonization.) The letters in the book were gathered as part of that process.”

Some skeptics will see these letters as proof that Mother Teresa was hypocrite, preaching faith while having none. Kolodiejchuk sees it differently. He sees it as “proof of the faith-filled perseverance… her most spiritually heroic act.”

So, it's propaganda, but I tend to agree with Kolodiejchuk. It could be difficult to carry out the kind of ministry she did in Calcutta even with a constant felt closeness to Jesus. To fully surrender in obedience to Jesus even while feeling abandoned by him… well, that’s faith.

Had the TIME article not spelled out that argument well, I would have felt the need to do so here. However, it does. Therefore I’d like to move to a second observation about the article.

I think her suffering may not have been necessary, and it may have been the result of bad theology taught her by her church. I found this section enlightening:

[Her] letters are full of inner conflict about her accomplishments. Rather than simply giving all credit to God, Gottlieb observes, she agonizes incessantly that "any taking credit for her accomplishments--if only internally--is sinful" and hence, perhaps, requires a price to be paid… For Teresa, "an occasion for a modicum of joy initiated a significant quantity of misery," and her subsequent successes led her to perpetuate it.

I see here two stumbling blocks.

1. She saw any recognition of success as sinful pride.

This misconception did not belong to Mother Teresa alone. Nor is it monopolized by the Catholic Church. I have seen very talented people deny how obviously talented they are for fear of pride. I think this is a silliness that borders on false humility. If you have done something well, denying it would be more dishonest that humble. You do not need to be embarrassed about the blessings God gives. We have more than enough true reasons to be humble before God. We do not need fake ones.

Paul recognized his successes (2 Timothy 4:7-8 is one example that comes to mind).

I can see how such recognition could lead to pride, but I do not think the two are the same. We can recognize the good work we do, and be humbly grateful to God for gifting us and blessing our efforts.

God seems to have gifted Mother Teresa with some great talents and successes and then put her on stage for the world to see. And it seems that the more successes and attention she received, the guiltier she felt for recognizing them.

This would have been somewhat harmless silliness if it were not coupled with her second stumbling block.

2. Her sins required some further price to be paid.

When she felt she had sinful pride, she also felt the need to beat herself up for it. Instead of her success being an occasion for joy, it brought significant misery.

Even if she were guilty of pride, there was not price left for her to pay. Christ paid the price fully (Hebrews 10:10, 1 Peter 3:18) Having faith in him means trusting that his work is enough, that we do not need to add to make it enough.

I don’t know that these two stumbling blocks were the reason she felt so distant from Jesus. But these sort of untruths can lead a person down dangerous emotional paths. Feelings of guilt can quickly become feelings of loneliness.


That being said, I still think that she is a good example for those who go through periods of spiritual drought. And that includes all of us.

I just wish someone had been there to relieve her from what may have been needless suffering.