Mixed Bag

I've dabbled with the idea writing a book quite often. Here are a few of the factors which motivate that desire:

* It would feed my warped sense of significance.
* I could make some extra money, maybe even a lot of it.
* I think God has gifted me as a writer.
* I think accomplishing a goal that big could empower me to achieve other goals.

Here are some of the reasons I have not:

* It requires a great amount of discipline and focus, of which I ahve little.
* There may be too much writing and non-biblical reading already, I suspect.
* I am aware of my warped desire for significance.
* I like confidence in my ability to accomplish a task that big.

This is just one example of how I am a mixed bag. My fleshly insecurites coexist with my Spirit-driven qualities. Maybe 'coexist' is not the right word, since they are at odds with each other. But they are still in my heart and mind. You can still find both of them behind so many decisions that I make.

Writing a book, preaching a good sermon, visiting the sick, reading to my children can all be motivated by either fleshly concerns or by the Spirit's call to 'Come, and die'. Sometimes simultaneously, it seems.

It's part of the process, I suppose. He takes more and more of my heart as tome goes on.

By one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

Hebrews 10:14