Grace and Horror

I looked inside the bag. What was in there, made me a monster.

I was in the seventh grade, walking home from school. I saw the brown paper bag on the side of the road. Curiosity provoked me to see what was inside the brown bag. Curiosity killed my innocence.

I pulled out of the bag a pornographic magazine. I had never had one in hand before. I quickly put it back. "What if someone saw me? What if I get caught?" My heart began to race as lust laid siege.

I walked the rest of the way home. It was then that I experienced, for the first time, temptation that seemed to be bigger than my will. I got on my bike telling myself to stay home. The whole time I pedalled back to the bag, I berated myself for an wanting something so evil.

Within a week it was destroyed by rain, as I never had the courage to bring it inside the house. But it had already wreaked its havoc. It set a war off in me between God's Spirit and my monster eyes that left me miserable for about seven or eight years.

I was saved by grace. I was forgiven by blood of Jesus even while I was dragged low by demonic appetites. But that's not the full extent of what I mean. I was saved from that war, from those practices by God's grace.

That grace was delivered mostly through God's people. It came from his people who had the courage and the standards to call me out. It came from the support of literally hundreds of forgiving and supportive brothers and sisters in Christ who embraced me. It came from the good teaching and wise counsel of a few sage men. And it came through the constant and continued friendships that nurtured and challenged me. It came through people, but I have been saved from that hell by God's grace.

I am reminded of this by what happened today. I was pulling our of the church parking lot and noticed a pornographic magazine on the side of the road.

Middle school kids walk up and down this road all the time. I thought of them holding the magazine. I thought of the hold the magazine once had on me.

I had to do something, but I still try to avoid situations where I could be tempted. Bringing that into my car alone would not be wise.

I had to return to church and ask an elderly couple to intercede. I hated to even bring up the subject to them. I was irritated and panicked and horrified by its presence. They agreed to handle it, and I was (and potentially some young teens were) saved by God's grace delivered through his people.