It is very easy to offend in talking about this subject, so I will try to tread lightly and not offend.
The church plant in Lansing in which we met in houses, small groups, focused on active love, and did not have a paid minister, was very difficult for many of the women involved to get into. They just did not view it as church. There were a couple of guys that wanted to come and be involved in our church but their wives just did not want them to. I also experienced this recently with a man who was discouraged with church and excited about the opportunity to be a simple, serving church; his wife was not as hip on the idea and they remained where they were while the man wishes he could do more. Women, and I know I am generalizing, do not like the idea of a church without all of the bells and whistles while men hate the bells and whistles and just want to get dirty serving. Maybe there is a happy middle ground.
When I planted the church in Lansing, I focused on, through prayer and seeking God's will, to plant a church for those who did not like church. I was/am a man frustrated with the way church is typically done, as if church can be done. I want/wanted a group of people to be the church rather than do church.
Men are interested in doing. I think tangible loving actions, otherwise called service projects, would be a better way of reaching men (through them participating, not being loved on) and showing them what it means to be a Christian. The problem with authenticity in church is that a man is an active being and cannot be all that authentic sitting in a pew. He must be active. He must participate in the conversation rather than listen to a monologue. And many men just do not like to sing songs, yet he is expected to do this in church. Authenticity is not usually celebrated in church - silence and conformity is. Try to be authentic and you might just be kicked out.
Why do you think men are not as involved in church as women?
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My wife might find that offensive, but I find it much less offensive than the description of manliness given by "God Men".
I don't think preaching plays more to women than men, though. I love preaching (Both hearing and speaking) far more than interacting. With my personality, small group interaction is extremely tedious. But the chicks dig it.
I ran it by Lindsay to see if she found it offensive. She did not, but that does not mean that other women wouldn't. Lindsay also finds herself more attracted to dressing up and going to the Sunday morning gathering than I do. Three women in our church were talking this week about how they like to dress up for Sundays and would not like a church that did not do that. Lindsay mentioned that she missed dressing up for church when we were at the church in Lansing.
As for your comment about men and small groups. Accountability groups have taken off with men, but not so much with women. True, there are some men that do not want small group interaction. As with any group there will be some that are not like the majority. We would have to figure out some scientific study or find one that has already been conducted to really find out if that is the case. Without that, we are all just left with our own experiences. I personally trust my own experiences more than some survey though.
I have heard more men complain about preaching than I have women. Personally, I hate giving sermons because the people in the audience can't stop me to have me clarify something or disagree with me. I like the challenge of conversation.
And I do not really know that chicks dig small groups that are discussing Scriptural teachings. I have heard many times that they hate the conflict which conversing about subjects in a small group to come of one mind naturally creates. A sermon prevents a conflict-free environment for the presentation of an idea, but it also prevents the coming of one mind unless everyone blindly accepts what the preacher says.
I hate this conversation because of all the generalizations.
Maybe it would be better to just take gender out of the discussion altoghether and just talk about those who do not like the elements of the traditional Sunday gathering and those who do. What gender they are does not really matter.
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