The Caroland family is coming off the busiest, toughest Christmas season to date. It was too much. Our kids are still recovering from the relentless celebrating.
There is so much that just is not good for kids about Christmas. There is too much sugar, too much stimulation, too much stuff, too many activities and festivities, and too little rest. The expectations are placed too high, or at least misplaced. Therefore, the inevitable disappointment brings them too low.
I'd like to say that emphasizing Christ's birth solves the problem, but practically speaking, it only adds to pressure with more expectations and things to do.
We try hard as parents to provide our children with a special Christmas experience, but result is too often worn-down and sick children who crack at the drop of the hat. Then we are frustrated that they are acting spoiled and ungrateful. But really, what should we expect after all of that? Are we the models of joy and contentment come December 27th?
So, I have come up with a few ways to turn that around. Some of these things have been field tested by us. The others will be next year, Lord willing.
1. Have yourself a very little Christmas- I know, "Good luck with that." There are too many expectations and responsibilities placed on you by family, schools, church, neighbors and friends. However, part of being a healthy responsible adult is learning to say 'no'. And your kids need you to do that.
Can Christmas be meaningful for you and your family if you skip out on some ceremonies even if they are part of your tradition? Yes, in fact, it may be more more meaningful if they are given rest and time to digest it all.
And the stuff. It's fun for us to buy stuff for our kids. It's fun to watch them open things. But there is a principle I have observed. The more stuff they get, the less they can enjoy any of it. It's overwhelming. Things they would have loved any other time of the year get lost in the pile.
Sam suggested three presents be the number. That's what Jesus got, after all. I'm not sure what to do about the presents from everyone else, though.
2. Teach them to let go- Before Christmas and birthdays, we have the kids go through their toys and fill up a garbage bag to be given away. We donate them to Goodwill or some other place. We even encourage them to give away toys they like. In this way, toys lose the grip they have on their hearts a little, they learn to be concerned for others, and we have less things to care for. This has worked well for us.
3. Share the thrill of impact giving- Our kids already like giving. Hannah could not wait for her mom to see that porcelain angel she got her from the dollar store. And that's good.
But anyone who has been used by God to fill a need knows how much more exciting that is than knocking down a Christmas list filled with people have all they need.
Next year, Hannah and Eli (if he is mature enough by then) will be choosing a way to give something to those nothing. Perhaps some livestock or something like that.
I'd love your suggestions while it is fresh in your mind.
There is so much that just is not good for kids about Christmas. There is too much sugar, too much stimulation, too much stuff, too many activities and festivities, and too little rest. The expectations are placed too high, or at least misplaced. Therefore, the inevitable disappointment brings them too low.
I'd like to say that emphasizing Christ's birth solves the problem, but practically speaking, it only adds to pressure with more expectations and things to do.
We try hard as parents to provide our children with a special Christmas experience, but result is too often worn-down and sick children who crack at the drop of the hat. Then we are frustrated that they are acting spoiled and ungrateful. But really, what should we expect after all of that? Are we the models of joy and contentment come December 27th?
So, I have come up with a few ways to turn that around. Some of these things have been field tested by us. The others will be next year, Lord willing.
1. Have yourself a very little Christmas- I know, "Good luck with that." There are too many expectations and responsibilities placed on you by family, schools, church, neighbors and friends. However, part of being a healthy responsible adult is learning to say 'no'. And your kids need you to do that.
Can Christmas be meaningful for you and your family if you skip out on some ceremonies even if they are part of your tradition? Yes, in fact, it may be more more meaningful if they are given rest and time to digest it all.
And the stuff. It's fun for us to buy stuff for our kids. It's fun to watch them open things. But there is a principle I have observed. The more stuff they get, the less they can enjoy any of it. It's overwhelming. Things they would have loved any other time of the year get lost in the pile.
Sam suggested three presents be the number. That's what Jesus got, after all. I'm not sure what to do about the presents from everyone else, though.
2. Teach them to let go- Before Christmas and birthdays, we have the kids go through their toys and fill up a garbage bag to be given away. We donate them to Goodwill or some other place. We even encourage them to give away toys they like. In this way, toys lose the grip they have on their hearts a little, they learn to be concerned for others, and we have less things to care for. This has worked well for us.
3. Share the thrill of impact giving- Our kids already like giving. Hannah could not wait for her mom to see that porcelain angel she got her from the dollar store. And that's good.
But anyone who has been used by God to fill a need knows how much more exciting that is than knocking down a Christmas list filled with people have all they need.
Next year, Hannah and Eli (if he is mature enough by then) will be choosing a way to give something to those nothing. Perhaps some livestock or something like that.
I'd love your suggestions while it is fresh in your mind.
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3 comments:
Excellent post and ideas reflecting much of what we discussed during our visit. 2 and 3 especially are great as it reminds us that God's blessings (gifts) are not just for our enjoyment but are to be used to bless the rest of the word.
In regard to presents from others, might I propose something that is often done or funerals. Many families have people donate money or gifts to a cause in honor of the deceased. So, when people ask what to get your kid, have then donate to the Worldvision gifts pack that you linked in #3. Sure, it is not as fulfilling to the giver as seeing your child unwrap that new car or doll, but also imagine saying to your child - "Now we can buy a family a cow instead of just a chicken" or something like that. It builds excitement and accomplishes what you propose.
Mike and I have opted out of many Christmas activities and traditions for most of our marriage for the reasons you listed and some additional ones. We weren't sure how well that was going to work when we became parents, but I think we survived fairly well all things considered.
We decided that we would give our son one largish present that would be meaningful or useful in some way and a couple stocking stuffer type gifts. We ended up getting him a shelving unit for his bedroom. Other people still bombarded him with toys and clothes, but we did request a number of books from the grandparents since he loves to read and be read to, and we can use those throughout the coming year.
We didn't have a special time of "let's give away stuff", but we go through toys and clothes pretty regularly and weed things out all the time.
Having a 9-year old, we let our son decide on whether or not to participate in several traditions. We told him that we want the holidays to be a special time, but we want to be able to focus on the activities that are really special to us, so if he wanted to do it, we would, and if he didn't, we wouldn't. He actually said no to most of the things, and I don't think any of us felt like we missed out on anything.
I love sharing with other's what we've decided for our family. We've only done it two years so far and it's been different each year already.
We give gifts to each other in three categories. God provides for our needs, God delights in us and wants to bless us, God wants a growing relationship with us.
Examples:
God provides - gloves, socks
Delights - toys
Relationship - movie, cd, new Bible, book about Godly character.
I like this format for us because we don't focus on the number of gifts but the reason for them. Also, it helps the kids remember what they got and why they got it. I also wrap them specific to their category. Provides has birds on it. God takes care of the sparrows kind of thing. It's a lot of fun!
Also, this year we did Advent. It was so awesome! Each night at dinner we'd light a candle and read just one verse. It was the same verse each time until the next week began. So great! I'm excited to expand on it as the kids grow older.
You know, we're not very good though having our kids give. That's something to work on for sure. Last year we gave our oldest money on Christmas morning to us as service. We forgot this year :)
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