Some thoughts on eulogies

Update: A third-cousin I met for the first time at my granmother's funeral wrote a column about her.

Monday morning, I was in St. Louis, MO for my grandmother's funeral. Elizabeth Akers Caroland was 90, a Southern Bell, a minister's wife, a teacher of grammar, a character, and many other things. But that's not what I want to talk about.

The minister, Dr. Suzanne Webb, provided a very good eulogy, very good words. She told some of her personal experiences with my grandmother. Her storytelling reminded us of her most memorable and admirable qualities. She had us read from Romans 8, reminding us that there would be no condemnation for her, that nothing, not even death, would be able separate her from the love of God.

I was encouraged through memories which reconnected me to my grandma. Then I was encouraged through Scripture which reconnected me to my Lord.

Things were very different five years ago. I don't just mean that my brother's death was different than my grandmother's. I don't think I could articulate how true that is. Brandon might have come close when he said, "After Jason's death, nothing is tragic." Certainly not a 90 year old widow finding an end to pain and being reunited with her beloved Lord.

The eulogies were also very different. I would have very much preferred Dr. Suzanne Webb's approach. We were barely holding on. We needed encouragement. We needed to try make sense of some of it. We needed the comforting effect of hearing kind words spoken about him. We really needed to be reminded that God was still good and available. What we got was a lecture about sin and forgiveness.

Now, I love that part of the gospel. I preach it to whomever will listen. But on that day I felt like I was a pig being tossed pearls. Not because the message was too good for me (I don't think that's what Jesus meant either or who would the worthy non-pigs be?), but because the message was not something I had any need for at the moment. I did not want it or know what to do with it. I needed food.

It came off as random theories completely irrelevant to our current state. The effect was that Jesus seemed further away than ever.

I guess the moral of all this would be that if you get a chance to do a eulogy, come close to the people by helping them reminisce about the person they love, then help them see how Jesus fits into the situation, as a comforter.