Rappin' for Jesus

A few weeks ago I saw an old friend, Marcus, whom I had not seen in about 8 years. He is a bright guy and has his hands in writing, mixing and producing his own music. He is also a writer/contributer/editor of “The Holy Observer,” a satirical Christian news source similar to “The Onion.” Anyway, combine those two aspects of his life and you get this news story in which he made a song just for the story. Listen to the song here and the lyrics are posted below. If you don’t get any of the references, just google them and you will figure out just how clever the song is.

Tru Dawgma – Straight Tribbin'

Eschatological know-how, not evangelical lowbrow
Postmodern cash cow
Revelation based on canonization
The millennial nation looms in dispensation
I spit pedagogy orthodoxy
Prima manifesto in the incarnation proxy
Imprimatur, my roots be the hypostatic union
The theocratic fusion, infusin'

Portiuncula mentalities be waxin'
Straight tribulation factions gaining esoteric traction
No apology, my strict epistemology
Will influence doxology and put you in a quandary
Infralapsarian… tribulation prose
Makes me wary and your pragmatism's blatantly exposed
I Didache your Tim Lahaye while rapture spankin' Jerry Jenkins…
Now cogitate this great awakenin'

Hook
Tribba-what (what?), Tribba-who (who?)
Flex eschatological like straight tribbahs do (2x)

Rapture, comin' at ya, gonna fetch ya, gonna catch ya
I be a theocrat with exegesis comin' natural
Ontology gazes in the wake of Armageddon
Pleroma in soma, not a disconnected remnant
Reviviscence is valid and callus as operatum
While your unbelief and disposition won't even fade Him
Cardiognosis, He knows your thoughts and your dreams
Like the Sadducees, your heresy is leaking out the seams

What, what, who? Henotheistic views
Are romanticized, sanitized, still ain't true
But from the parthenogenesis to the Parousia
We got imputed righteousness until the day we meet up
Since the ascension we got metaphysical nominalists
Refer to Postulates for obedientialis
Hidden like the pseudepigrapha in the
Deuterocanonical pack – the apost-hata's back!